My Story
Running from trauma doesn’t work!
I suddenly lost my ex partner to a brain haemorrhage, I got the call and it was like my whole world just collapsed in front of my eyes. Time just stood still. He was so young, too young it was all so unfair.
Trying to process that I’d never see him again was just not sinking in at all.
The years went by and I didn’t cope with this at all. I just lost myself in a world of parties, drinking and toxic relationships.
I was drinking a lot, just to mask the hurt and this huge loss. I had no idea how to manage these feelings.
I just kept falling apart, ending up in tears and making a fool of myself time and time again. Suicidal thoughts went through my head as i spiralled out of control.
It was so stupid, such a stupid way to think and looking back now thank god I never followed that through.
Life was EPICALLY spiralling way out of control and I just didn’t seem to care.
I ended up in so many toxic relationships and situations, I was so desperate for someone to love me, to want me and take me away from all this chaos and the nightmare i felt i was living in. I became a complete people pleaser, I let guys walk all over me and didn’t seem to have any control over how I changed that.
My self sabotaging was on steroids!!
I was dropping self sabotage bombs into anything that was remotely good for me.
This loss had literally thrown me off the rails and I did not know how to get back on track.
Fast forward quite a few years and I’d wracked up countless bad relationships, guys that cheated on me and felt it was ok to do that.
I’d been rushed into life saving surgery because of an ectopic pregnancy. That was actually on valentines day one year and I thought WOW! This is a shit life!
In my desperation for love I moved continents TWICE, which I can categorically confirm were both hugely bad decisions.
I’d grieved the loss of more amazing friends and family close to me through various horrific situations.
I was depressed, sad, deeply lonely and totally lost. I’ve no idea how I kept my job. I was just existing and not living.
Even my mates were getting to the end of their tether with me. I was a walking timebomb.
I tried self help stuff online, tried to stop going out and stop myself getting into these crappy situations. But they didn’t last because I had no self worth and never saw anything through. I’d be chuffed if I did it for a week like that was an accomplishment I mean how ridiculous.
I thought I could run away from it all.
But, let me tell you that you really can't run away from emotions or feelings.
They will follow you everywhere.
It was this last straw that nearly ended my life forever.
My final attempt at love was to reunite with someone I’d held a love for, for a long time.
Unfortunately, I’d not realised he was the person who would send me down the darkest path of my life.
A textbook narcissist.
I lied to all of my friends and family about what was going on, he mentally broke me to such a point that one night I took an overdose. It was a bad time.
I was rushed by ambulance into hospital and stayed there for a few days. My mum drove through the night across the country to be my bedside. The fallout from that situation could have changed my life forever in the worst way possible.
Luckily, I was found in time and I am here now to tell my story.
INFACT, THAT'S EXACTLY WHY I AM HERE NOW.
To tell my story and if any of this story resonates with you, then you are here for a reason.
After my extensive counselling and therapy I knew I wanted so much more this time around. I wanted the life I deserved and I wanted to be happy. I’d been given a second chance at life and I wasn't going to waste it this time.
It was time to reset myself, understand my worth and be the best version of me there had ever been.
I needed to break through this fear.
Still feeling pretty fragile from my recovery, I knew the only way now was UP.
I’d started a small business on my own as I knew that I was a small step in the right direction for me. I was doing so well but still had a feeling that I wanted more, I needed more.
It was going well but I still felt trapped...
I know my worth and thats priceless...
Then one day I was sitting at my dining table scrolling through my instagram. These two lads popped up in a swimming pool in Bali with a floating breakfast. I’d recognised it as i’d been to Bali quite a few times myself, they had big smiles on their faces. When I read their story I nearly cried as it was like a light bulb moment and let me tell you i’ve never had one of those ever!!
It was all about coaching and how to move forward in your life, how to use these amazing techniques and ask these powerful questions. How you can go from adversity to success by being coached.
It was a complete no brainer and I took myself on the best journey of my life. A very powerful and life changing self development and discovery journey and it changed my life and I honestly mean that in every sense possible..
Even my family and friends are like Nicki!!! You are so calm, you seem so together now, so happy, you are living a great life again. One friend said to me, You are one of life's radiators !!! Hahaha I love that.
I am so proud of myself for finally waking up and deciding I want more. I deserve more.
Now I’m an internationally accredited and qualified transformation coach.
I absolutely love my life and my job which I don't really call a job to be honest.
My adversity has brought me to a place where I can help other people just like YOU.
I feel confident on the inside and outside, I know my worth and what that means, I am content in my life not searching for that person just to fill a void anymore.
Loving your own company is a whole new ball game.
Who wouldn't want to feel all those things in their life.
I am the results, I am the proof.
Thank you for reading my story. If you have made it this far, you are here for a reason.
You deserve more and you are ready now. You can make real life changes starting today. You know deep down that you are destined for great things. So, stop dancing around it and take action today.
If there’s one thing I’ve learnt through my journey - just do it. Don’t procrastinate. The only thing you will regret is not taking action.